Drink Your Heart Out: Unexpected and Affordable Bars in Prague
“ The most vulnerable moment in a Czechs day is when they are ordering beer,” says my bubbly tour guide, Joanna.
Our small group snickered. We stood under the tail of the St. Wenceslas statue, a common meeting place for people who live in Prague. I looked down the long layout of Wenceslas square. An area that was once filled with peaceful protests was now replaced with strip clubs and Starbucks.
“I’m so excited you are going to be joining us at Urban Adventures to experience the best part of Czech culture: beer! We are going to go off the beaten path and into places where real locals go.”
Joanna’s bubbly personality was a perfect pairing to our Czech immersion. A small group of other visiting Americans and I were on a Beer and Tapas tour through Urban Adventures. Urban Adventures is an internationally renowned tour company that offers one of a kind tours curated by locals. So visitors can see the underbelly of the culture as we were about to get some potbellies ourselves. The beer and tapas tour was an elevated bar hop that would give us a sampling of Czech beer and peek into Czech culture.
Saying the Czechs love their beer is like saying the Beatles had a nice following.
Their life revolves around it. It is the most iconic aspect of their culture. The Czechs are typically passed over when people think of Europe. The Germans are an economic superpower, the Swiss have stellar technology, the French have revolutionary literature, but boy can the Czechs pour a pilsner aka Plzeň.
The Czechs drink the most amount of beer in the world. And I know that sounds like a clickbait sentence for when people search “who drinks most beer” /seems hyperbolic, but it is true. They drink roughly 147 liters per year, which may not sound too bad. However, these statistics include children, women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, sick people, dying people, and people who don’t drink at all. So those who can drink make it up for the rest of them. It isn’t uncommon to see a dad with a stroller in a park sucking down a beer as his baby suckles on a bottle. That's mother's milk for you. But for all that alcohol they consume you won’t see many bar fights, men groping women on the street or car accidents. That is because in Czech culture they don’t get drunk to get blitzed ( trust me the Germans did that to them YEARS ago), but they drink to maintain an appropriate level of tipsiness that makes them social enough to possibly say hello. That is because their food is curated to soap up the massive amounts of alcohol they are consuming and still be able to wake up in the morning.
The food is as heavy as their history. It isn’t a country that is abundant in colorful fruits and daring vegetables. Their meals are as down to earth as they are, meaning they eat mostly potatoes. They fill you up to enough to keep warm and weighted down on any one of their blustery winter nights.
There are no Netflix specials of stern grandmothers mashing potatoes over an open fire or of burly men in leather smocks tending to a ham thigh over smoldering coals, but there should be. Czech food is hearty and filling and for good reason. The only reason the Czechs even eat food is because it soaks up the beer sloshing around in their stomachs. That isn’t a joke I wrote. That is what Joanna told me directly.
Before we get any closer, I need to come forward and say that beer isn’t my favorite drink. I tend to get sleepy and bloated and end up looking like a tired troll under a bridge by the end of the night. But I do like Czech beer, mainly because that was my first introduction to the craft. I studied abroad in Prague more years ago than I’m willing to admit, and it became a custom to have a beer with every meal, as God intended. Which is a statement given that this is one of the most atheist countries in the world. Pairing beer and salad is a hard task for any Chopped competition, which is why most people opt for fried cheese and sausages. Oh, did I also mention that I'm gluten-free? This will be an exciting night.
As Urban Adventures promised, we got off the beaten path pretty quickly. And by beaten I mean the parts of the city whose cobblestone sidewalks are shiny from hoards of tourists and stag parties walking on them. We hopped onto the metro and quickly made it to our first destination outside of the city center. Prague's public transportation is top-notch. Their trams, trains, and buses are reliable, rarely crowded, and painfully silent. No one tried to sell me anything or dance for tips. Coming from New York, this feels like the Twilight Zone.
Bar 1: U Pětníka
Our first stop was closer to the Prague castle but in a more residential area.
There were more parks with dogs running about and obediently coming to the attention of their owners. The dogs here are exceptionally well trained, so much so, you never hear them bark. Even with people mulling about, the streets were quiet enough to hear our feet shuffle along the cobblestone. Our first stop was U Pětníka, a modern styled pub with classic Czech bites.
Before we entered this bright cherry bar, Joanna asked, “ We are going to order our beer. Here it comes in two sizes. Who wants a big one?” Everyone raised a hand.
It was an ambitious way to start the night.
The bar was right across from the park, so the inside was filled with parents who needed a pick me up beer as their children ran around the legs of waiters bringing frothy beers to their parents.
U Pětníka was a little sleeker than the traditional pubs that have been unchanged since the middle ages with modern high top chairs and a metal bar.
We sat at a solid, brown table strong enough to carry the weight of any amount of beer and sorrows.
This is where we learned about good head.Not in the “ Maria Guliani showed me what good head was in 10th grade” kind of a way. In the frothy way...ugh this isn’t helping.
As we sat down, our first beers started being passed around. We all got Unětická 12° which is unpasteurized and unfiltered Bohemia Pale Lager. Two sips and I was feeling it. I noticed that the foam took up a good third of the beer, which seemed like a waste. It was the same disappointment you get when you open up a bag of chips to find that you mostly purchased air.
“You’ll notice,” starts Joanna, “ That the head of the beer takes up a third of the glass, but they aren’t trying to rip you off. The sign of a good beer is that the head is this smooth foam on top, which takes up a lot of your glass. If it is big and frothing, it’s a good indicator as to whether or not your beer is fresh. You want reasonably sized bubbles, not too big, not too small. The foam at the top protects it from the air and oxidation process. The head keeps it fresh for as long as possible.”
I held back with all of my might from making a double entendre- I wasn't that close to the other attendees yet.
“ You will also notice that the glass these beers are in are thick to keep it cold and there handles are engineered, so you don’t transfer your heat to the mug. You don't want to drink with speed to maintain that freshness, no lingering here.”
I started drinking up to suppress my fast approaching hangriness and quickly got tipsy — that warm inebriation where you feel the alcohol loosen your muscles and your mouth.
What most travelers say to not sound pretentious about having better taste is “ Prague ruined me!” which is a line I stick to whenever someone hands me one back in the states.
As everyone else politely sipped their beers, we finally made room for two lovely platters of food and two mason jars filled with cheese. You might not think of the Czech Republic when you think of cheese. Where Italy and France take center stage, the Czechs are like the curtain pullers in the production: they participate, but it's their weekend gig. On the platters were olomoucké tvarůžky traditional cheese wrapped in bacon and deep-fried in beer batter. How these people are in the top 30 of the healthiest countries is beyond me.
Next to them were two mason jars filled with nakládaný hermelín, a pickled cheese. Let's get one thing straight about the Czechs. They pickle everything. They would pickle their dogs as an off branch taxidermy business if they didn't have a weird enough sense of humor to begin with. So pickled cheese didn’t seem so off the mark for them. But to be fair, pickling is a rough translation in Czech and tends to mean soaked in oil, not vinegar. So when we cracked the mason jars open, it didn’t smell like the inside of a sarcophagus that hasn’t been opened for 100 years. It was a camembert-like cheese sitting in oil, and enough onions for no one to want to kiss me for a month. Slabs of cheese looked like floating hands layered with onions, which is probably the only way I could eat my own kind. We slathered the cheeses onto thick pieces of brown bread, which quickly sobered me up, and I started to understand the science behind their carb-heavy diet.
Once we polished off our beer and cheese, we headed over to our next destination.
Bar 2: Krakonošská hospůdka
I was glad we had a nice walk in between the pubs, so I could walk off the liquid and solid bread that was breaking down in my stomach.
"Woof, maybe I won’t eat at the next stop. That was enough food for now.” A reasonable thought after the first stop on a food tour.
Krakonošská hospůdka was more of a Czech dive. And by dive I mean we had to duck our heads as we stepped down into the pub. We sat down in the minimalist room with nothing more than sturdy wooden tables and chairs. Not because they are die-hard followers of Marie Kondos's philosophies but because when it comes to drinking and catching up with friends, the Czechs don't need a lot of bells and whistles.
We sat down in at one of the tables, and our boisterous American accents were hard to ignore. The locals sitting by us seemed startled by the amount of English being thrown around. I felt like I could see what he was thinking as one of the stared at all of us, and begrudgingly threw back his beer, “ First the Germans, then the Russians, now the Americans are coming.”
Then the beer menu was passed around. Krakonošská hospůdka offer a wide variety of beer, and I decided to get the Mazák, a bitter Bohemia Pale Lager, exclusively because of the branding. Its coaster had a sexy grandpa in lederhosen and an ax- as if during the summer, Santa lived in the forest, chopped wood all day, and got a shredded body.
Next on our tasting was a sausage selection.
God damn it.
My " Oh I'm just going to have a bite" ideology was thrown out the small window giving us barely any light because I. Love. Sausage.
I don't care how that comes off, but it is my favorite way to eat meat.
Sausage is more of what I expected to chow down on when doing a beer and food tour in Prague. A platter of čabajka, sliced smoked sausages, with cut-up pickles sat next to a plate of utopenec, pickled sausage sliced open with pickled peppers and onions ( what did I tell you). This sausage was marinated in vinegar with peppercorn, onions, and other pickling spices. Maybe one of the reasons the Czechs drink so much beer is so they can bear to kiss each other after eating the equivalent of a grove of onions.
"The pickled sausage is playfully named The Drowned Man. When placed in the pickling jars, these sausages resemble dead men floating lifelessly in a pond," said Joanna as she stabbed one and began cutting it into smaller pieces. Nothing like a good old asphyxiation to make one hungry. I took my plate and opted for the less macabre of the two. After my sexy grandpa beer and a platter of sausage, I started to feel like a bloated, drunken man myself.
Beer:
Mazák extra hořká 11° (Bitter Bohemia Pale Lager)
Krakonoš 12° (Bohemia Pale Lager)
Prorok 12° (Bohemia Pale Lager)
Čestmír IPA 14° (India Pale Ale)
We then hopped on a tram for our next destination.
Bar 3: BIO OKO
It sounds hyperbolic to say that every place in Prague is a drinking destination, but it is true.
You can get beer in libraries, zoos, McDonalds, cafes, and even movie theaters, which is where we went next. Guided by the first neon sign we had seen all night *The Czechs don’t like attention being drawn to them* we walked into Bio Oko. This movie theater offers more than just blockbusters. They have a wide variety of one-off screenings of indies and oldies, to eclectic film festivals, and live stream stage productions. They also have Baby Bio for parents and children in the mornings; Bio Senior for mid-morning discounted screenings for seniors who will want their lunch around 11 am, and Sunday brunch for the hungover hipsters craving a beer and eggs benedict. Their unique movie selection mirrors their beer offerings. Bio Oko was the first spot to offer a sweeter and darker beer than an IPA, and I opted for the delicious amber lager. The place was bustling on a Tuesday evening. The bar was with students chatting about classes and younger millennials going on awkward first dates. Most of us stood around as we sipped and continued to make small talk.
“Come, come! We have to finish and move onto our final destination!” said Joanna as she guzzled the last of her drink. This girl was a champ.
I was trying to pace myself at this point and heard my stomach gurgle, “ YOU AREN’T USED TO THIS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US?! PLEASE SLOW DOWN.”
I sighed as I realized that the Czechs drink their beers like the Italians drink their espresso, quick and standing up. The rest of our crew polished off their drinks, and we moved onto our last stop.
Beers:
Albrecht 10° (Bohemia Pale Lager)
Kynšperský zajíc 12° (Amber Lager)
Raven ležák 12° (Bohemia Pale Lager)
Raven Summer Ale 11° (Pale Ale)
Bar 4: Pivovar Loď
We docked up to our last stop: a boat.
You might not associate the Czechs as seafaring folk given they are completely landlocked. However, Prague is divided by the Vltava river. You might think that the "dining on a boat" marketing is a tourist trap for all of the older British tourists that are looking for a unique experience but are really just getting milked out of their retirement savings. In some instances, yes, but you won’t find that at Pivovar Lod. Pivovar Lod is a classic Czech restaurant that brews its own beer on a boat. It is one step away from sailing to Portland, OR.
When we walked in, we were able to peer into the open containers of beer brewing at the entrance. Don't worry; it was behind glass. So no one in our group could dip a hand into it or turn it into a personal vomitorium.
It was a much quieter scene and had a few groups playing games in the corner between rounds of beer. Pivovar Lod had the widest selection of beers from the bars we visited that night, and we each got two glasses of our choice.
Beers:
Republika 12° (Bohemia Pale Lager)
Triton 11° (Pale Ale)
Monarchie 13° (Dark Lager)
Jiskra 12° (Bohemia Pale Lager with rice malt)
Savanah 13° (American Hefeweizen)
I got the Monarchie 13°, a dark sweet beer because I couldn’t stomach any more IPA. As I scanned my froth for any signs of a broken beer, our last round of tapas came. Now, when the Czechs say tapas, they mean a whole pork knuckle. I’m not sure how accurate the Czech to Spanish translation for tapas is, but it is clearly a loose one.
The pork knuckle is, again, a strange misnomer. The meat is the knee of the pig, which doesn’t sound more appetizing, but I PROMISE this is the most delicious way to cook a pig, and I am a fierce bacon fanatic. It comes out looking like meat for a caveman, a big glistening hunk of meat with a bone sticking out from both ends. It is divine. A good pork knuckle is crispy on the outside and juicy on the inside, and the people at Pivovar Lod delivered. It was surrounded by, you guessed it, more pickled onions and peppers. Gosh, these folks are predictable.
We ended the night with a Kaiserschmarn ( I know, it rolls off the tongue). Its translation is “a failed-omelet,” but it actually looks like a funnel cake without being deep-fried. It originates from Austria; however, the Czechs have a sisterly relation to Austrian cuisine in the way that your older sister will “borrow” your boots and you never see them again.
It is fried soft bread sprinkled with powdered sugar and blueberry jam. For being in the land of indulgence, they don’t add much sugar to their deserts and like having the natural flavors show. Nevertheless, it was a sweet way to end the evening.
I rolled home happy and in slight pain. Oh did I mention I have a gluten intolerance? Hahahaha, yeah I forgot too.
This tour was so comprehensive and filling, I didn’t have to have breakfast the next day. I genuinely loved going on this tour because it would have taken me twice as many beers and food for me to get an actual Czech person to even talk to me, let alone tell me about their culture. An Urban Adventures tour was the perfect way to sample Czech food and culture.
Now leave me be with my gluten intolerance and a day off of work.
So what did we learn
The Czechs are simple people until it comes to beer. Then it is a population filled with picky Goldilocks.
Czech translations are rough so you might as well just shut up and eat it.
Urban Adventures puts on a spectacular tour! If you want a discount for when you finally choose which tour you want to take ( trust me, you might need a drink to go through all of them!). When you are planning your next trip, you can use my discount code, STRANGERSABROAD, for 10% off of any tour IN ZE WORLD. Check them out when you are in New York City or any of your future travel destinations! Thank you so much Urban Adventures for the memorable evening :D
All pictures were taken from Squarespace website. They are not of the actual places mentioned ( sorry I don’t have a great camera! It’s on my to do list…)