The End of a Journey

passionpassport

It’s such a weird feeling to wake up one morning and to not have to work on the project that you have been pouring your time, energy, and mind into for the better part of three years. And my rat brain was immediately like, “ ON TO SEASON TWO.”

I am always in the stifling grip of the productivity monster- that Protestant work ethic that has been hammered into my being and makes me think I need to keep WORKING and CREATING and DOING something all the time. I have this feeling even when I have returned from a trip and think, “ When and where is my next flight?” I need to keep GOING.

Now, I know this is a cliche, but it feels like I’m sprinting during the New York City marathon. I’m trying to bypass all of these other runners who are pacing themselves, thinking that they are such suckers and I’m beating them, and I’m seeing more faster, when in reality I’m the sucker who be left on the side of the road on mile 4 because I have pulled a calf muscle and am caught guzzling Gatorade and Ketamine for electrolytes and painkillers in order to keep going. And because I keep thinking I need to keep running, running, running and catch up to everyone who is so far ahead of me, I feel paralyzingly overwhelmed.  And as a runner, I have found that my stronger runs have been when I allow my body to take breaks in between them.

So I’m giving myself a creative break, to give myself time to reflect on all of my adventures, all of my passport stamps, and all of the achievements I have made. It is important to look back once you have reached the apex of a mountain, to reflect on who you were and who you have become before looking at the top of another mountain. Since I have given myself some breathing room I have found is creativity and inspiration in places I wouldn’t have explored. My creative mornings are messy and honest and playful, and I’m enjoying it more than if I just jumped right back into working, working, working, working. I don’t want my work to be perceived as work; I want it to be play. Take a break, look back, and relish in all that you have achieved.

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